Name:Fech/Haruto
Founder:Kenzo Haruto Fech (not Lota/Yuzuki's father. Her 12 times great grandfather.)
Location:Land of Tea, Land of Fire.

History:

Spoiler:

Special Info:

Only the first daughter of the head of the clan can become heir, unless appointed otherwise. Sticking to customs, the head is always a female.
The Yokou bloodline is a major part of this clan, many of the members having their own variety of it due to the separation and cross-breeding between the two branches.
People of this clan always have a strong affinity for earth and have strong wills.
Only this clan can use their particular Kekkei Genkai to do multiple things at once (i.e. heal yourself while holding up a genjutsu and using taijutsu/ninjutsu at the same time).
When the Kekkei Genkai is activated, each person has their own uniquely colored set of eyes, both a different color from each other and the user's original eye color.
The user is able to heal damage using High Metabolism and Vigorous, and the amount is explained within each level.

Requirements: This clan has 4 open spots. OOC Requirements: should be a relatively active poster and must follow storyline/history of the clan posted here. First come, first serve basis. May have more open spots later
Current Members: 1/5

Lota Fech(Yuzuki Haruto Fech): Daughter of Kenzo Fech(II)-Lota's Page
Kenzo Fech(II): Past leader-NPC
Akemi Naudiz-Fech: Leader's wife(deceased)-NPC
Yuuki Haruto Fech: Current Leader (open for use, otherwise is and NPC)

Name of the Kekkei Genkai: Yokou-Lingering Light
Type of Kekkei Genkai: Offensive
Rank: C-S when trained.

Description:
Level 1: The user can use some more advanced earth jutsus and is able to manipulate rock to some extent. Their extra healing abilities are minimal, taking a longer time to heal but still less time than a normal shinobi, depending on the extent of the damage. The Kekkei Genkai is still mostly in the defense phase, but can be used offensively every once in a while. It is still unstable as it settles, and can sometimes cause injuries to the user. This state lasts 3-9 weeks only, with or without training. Very few fatalities happen, as only the most unstable cause this.

Level 2: The user now has decent control over the kekkei genkai, and can begin to combine fire with the earth jutsus and takes less time to heal than a normal shinobi, usually by a day, depending on the extent of the damage done to the user. The offensive and defensive uses have mostly evened out, and have decent strength. Most people are somewhere between 2 and 3 and stay there after passing through the first stage, providing they don't accidentally kill or permanently cripple themselves during the first stage.

Level 3: Not many people make it to or past this stage, only the most skilled and strongest going into the Fourth stage or beyond. At this point, both defensive and offensive abilities are quite strong and almost impenetrable. Their length of time for healing decreases by 2-5 days, depending on the extent of the damage. They can also now use their kekkei genkai for greater and less common jutsus, described below.

Level 4+: Only two known people have gotten this far or beyond, and under special circumstances: The original founder of the clan, Kenzo Hotaru Fech, and Yuzuki (Lota) Hotaru Fech. They are able to use all of the rare jutsus and common jutsus that are acquainted with their bloodline without harm to themselves. Their defensive abilities and jutsus are

Jutsus:

Name of Jutsu: Miyaburu Inai Ganseki [Sight Within the Rock]
Rank: B-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Doujutsu/ Self Genjutsu
Element Affinity: Earth
Training Link:
Description: This jutsu allows the user to spread their senses throughout the earth beneath their feet as well as into any inanimate objects, trees included. It allows them to sense where people are, how the landscape changes, traps spread around the area, etc. as long as it isn't in mid air. This is especially useful for those born blind, or blinded by some means, as it gives them sight throughout the earth instead of using their eyes like normal. The user sees an image of whatever they are facing, down to the last detail of what they would see using their eyes. The user's range depends on how much he or she trains, whether they are blind or not, and what stage they are at.

Name of Jutsu: Sozou [Earthen Image]
Rank:D-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Genjutsu
Element Affinity: Earth
Training Link:
Description:This jutsu allows the user to create a powerful Genjutsu out of the surrounding environment itself, changing animals to monsters and friends to enemies. It changes the whole landscape into something you might find in the pits of hell itself. It also allows for actual physical damage to be done to the targets, as the user is unaffected by it. this particular one is a less powerful version of Yosouya, which takes incredible control and power, where as anyone, even if they just entered the second stage, can use. The power and effectiveness and length of time this lasts depends on the user themselves.

Name of Jutsu: Dobei Utsuwa Zaika [Earthen Bowl of Offense]
Rank:B-S
Users: Anyone at the third stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Ninjutsu
Element Affinity: Earth
Training Link:
Description:This allows the user to trap their opponent(s) within an upside-down bowl of earth, that he of she can control from the outside. The user can see inside of the bowl, while the opponent cannot see the outside world through light passes through. The user can control the earthen bowl to do whatever he or she wants, whether it be to crush the opponent by making the bowl much smaller, to impale the opponent with spikes combining with another jutsu, or just to leave them there and come back for them later. It is impenetrable from the inside only, and can be penetrated from the outside in. The size of the bowl and how much control the user has over it depends on the user's level of chakra and ability to combine jutsus.

Name of Jutsu: Dobei Utsuwa Benso [Earthen Bowl of Defense]
Rank: C-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Ninjutsu
Element Affinity: Earth
Training Link:
Description: Almost anyone can use this, but it is strictly a defense technique. The user instead creates a bowl around themselves and are able to see out instead of in. The impenetrability of the dome depends on the user's level of control over their chakra, as well as what rank/stage they are at. They can also use this to trap themselves an opponent within in the case of the user being outnumbered by the enemy.

Name of Jutsu: Sogeki Iwama [Shooting Among Rocks]
Rank: E-S
Users: Anyone within this clan.
Type of Jutsu:: Ninjutsu
Element Affinity: Earth
Training Link:
Description: Anyone in the clan can use this technique. this is the same technique that accidentally killed Lota's uncle while they were training when she lost control of her Kekkei Genkai. This allows the user to manipulate the earth into pillars which can be fired out of the earth like missiles at the opponent, or can be used to trap or crush an opponent within a few separate pillars.

Name of Jutsu: Suraishi Tsuchi [Feet Sliding over the Earth]
Rank: C-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Taijutsu
Element Affinity: Earth
Training Link:
Description: This allows the user to manipulate the earth beneath their feet to make them travel at great speeds over the ground, and over shallow (up to 50ft deep, depending on their stage) water and lakes. It can be used in battle to gain speed advantages over one's opponent, some users being able to move so fast that the opponent's eyes cannot physically keep up as to the point where the user essentially becomes invisible for a time. To get to that speed takes great skill, balance, and an amazing level of chakra control to be able to use. While that speed is usually only obtained by the third stage, some especially talented people within the clan are able to do this in just the second stage.

Name of Jutsu: Kousen Reiki [Light Ray Reiki(healing method)]
Rank: D-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Medical
Element Affinity: Fire
Training Link:
Description: This speeds us the user's recovery, whether they are aware of it or not, as it activates itself whenever the user is injured in some way. It is completely automatic, and requires no hand seals or chakra to use. No one has been able to explain this strange ability, but the clan themselves think its their affinity with the earth and nature that gives them this power. Some say they draw the healing energy straight from nature itself without realizing it, while others say that they draw the energy from the sun's rays. Hence the name, Light Ray Healing.

Name of Jutsu: Ekishou [Liquid Crystal]
Rank: B-S
Users: Anyone at the third stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Ninjutsu
Element Affinity: Crystal
Training Link:
Description:This allows the user to manipulate the earth to do whatever they wish, even turn to a liquid of sorts. They can open tunnels beneath the ground, find pockets of water or oil up to 100ft beneath the ground, to draw water from the trees or rocks around them. It lets the user even create weapons such as swords, bows, axes, daggers, etc out of the ground and out of crystal. It even lets the user find rare crystals or precious gemstones and metals within the earth, to some extent. It can be used for both effective offensive and defensive techniques, and takes a year and a half to two years to master fully, even by the most talented of shinobi.

Name of Jutsu: Yosouya [Crystal Gazer]
Rank: C-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu:: Genjutsu
Element Affinity: Earth/Crystal
Training Link:
Description: This is a different version of Sozou, and much more powerful as well. As well as being able to do all that Sozou can, this jutsu can make the Genjutsu itself not only torture the mind but the physical body and soul of the target(s). It is extremely effective in interrogation, but takes a lot of chakra from even the most skilled of users. This particular jutsu is used only in the most dire of situations or as a backup plan.

Name of Jutsu: Hari Koutetsu [Crystal Armor]
Rank: C-S
Users: Anyone at the second stage of the Kekkei Genkai within this clan or above.
Type of Jutsu::Taijutsu
Element Affinity:Earth/Crystal
Training Link:
Description: This essentially covers the user in a layer of rock or crystal, while not weighing them down anymore that one or two pounds. This layer of rock is virtually impenetrable at the higher stages and can be manipulates into different shapes on the body (i.e. arms/hands into spikes or razor thin daggers). It is most useful when in a long lasting hand-to-hand combat or when the user is being barraged by daggers, knives, shuriken, etc and they don't have time to set up a proper defense.

Clan Traits:

You need to explain the root abilities of the KKG and then explain how each level varies.

Advantages

• Increased Healing Rate
  
• Auto Recovery
  
• Advanced Earth Element
  
• Strong Elemental Affinity with Earth – Dominant
  
• Strong Elemental Affinity with Fire – Recessive
  
• Advanced Elemental Control of Earth + Fire Techniques
  
• Revived From Dead
  
• Immunity to Physical Damage & Poison
  
• Major ‘Multi-Tasking’

Disadvantages

• Potential injuries at a novice’s level
  
• High Chakra Consumption b/c of Auto Heal

Now, I would like to ask you the following:

• Are there any real disadvantages to this bloodline?
  
• Are there any actual limitations to the abilities granted within each stage?

So far… No. You have a lot more advantages to this than disadvantages. And your advantages aren’t even minor ones, they’re some pretty big ones. First and foremost… you’re essentially unable to die. There’s the argument that the Kakuzu/Hidan/Madara trio are ‘immortal’ and unable to die, but even they had limitations… ability wise. Hidan requires the blood of his opponent, the ability to draw his ritual symbol, etc. Kakuzu requires the hearts of his victims in order to utilize the elements, etc. Madara, as ‘immortal’ as he is, was shown to have his own weaknesses and ability to become injured as shown with some of his fights. You however give us very limited situations in which the user can be hurt, opens himself up to attacks, or similar items. You are going to need a LOT more weaknesses/limitations if you expect your bloodline and jutsus to be approved.

Now, let’s dissect your bloodline.


First off, bloodlines are abilities granted to a ninja genetically. So, what I would like to know is this: how is your bloodline passed down genetically? The only plausible parts are:

a) Increased Healing Rate
b) Advanced Earth Element
c) High Affinities for the Earth Element and Fire Element
d) Advanced Elemental Control of Earth + Fire Techniques
e) Changing Eye Colors

These are traits that I can see being passed down genetically. But your bloodline description does not focus on this, instead barely mentioning it or explaining it, and adds in other things. These extras aren’t inherited genetically. They’re taught. And since they’re taught, they’re not genetic. They’re secret techniques—techniques that are a secret of your clan and generally only known to your clan, but could be taught to others if someone from the clan taught it to an outsider.

i.e. The Uchiha’s Sharnigan and the Nara’s Shadow Manipulation. The Sharnigan is genetic. No one else can use it unless they were born into the Uchiha and fulfilled the requirements of activating the bloodline. Shadow Manipulation is a secret technique. Anyone could learn it, even Naruto, so long as the Nara decided to teach him how to use the jutsu and he had the capacity to learn it.

But, your bloodline adds in other things and doesn’t expand upon the plausible bloodline abilities, all you really do is mention it and state that your clan can use it. At the moment, it appears that you’re trying to combine several different things into one thing, trying to make a ‘god clan’ with ‘god techniques’.

In reality, if you’ve noticed, the clans in Naruto, with or without bloodlines, are all centered around one particular ability or technique and build off of that. The Hyuuga’s main focus is being able to see where others can not—the chakra system and through objects, thus their jutus and fighting style are based off of this. The Yamanaka’s main focus is on the mind, thus their techniques are centered on manipulating the opponent from within—from their mind or attacking their minds.

Though secret techniques can be learned by anyone, they’re called ‘secret techniques’ for a reason because the clan that ‘owns’ them is highly unlikely to teach it to outsiders and protect the learning/usage of the technique to clan members only as it defeats the whole process of having an ace and being a secret to begin with. Secret techniques don’t have to be made into a bloodline to keep it unique.

You may want to reconsider what exactly it is that you want your bloodline to be and what would be better off as secret techniques.



A minor detail, but:

Special Info wrote:

Only the first daughter of the head of the clan can become heir, unless appointed otherwise. Sticking to customs, the head is always a female. The Yokou bloodline is a major part of this clan, many of the members having their own variety of it due to the separation and cross-breeding between the two branches. People of this clan always have a strong affinity for earth and have strong wills. Only this clan can use their particular Kekkei Genkai to do multiple things at once (i.e. heal yourself while holding up a genjutsu and using taijutsu/ninjutsu at the same time).

You’ll need to explain how the bloodline differs from user to user or what exactly the variety is. If it’s something simple, just state so here. If it’s something a little more complex you’ll need to include it in the bloodline description.

And:

Bloodline Type wrote:

Type of Kekkei Genkai: Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Offensive, Medical, and some Defensive.

First off, this is way too much. Refer back to my explanation of bloodlines. Bloodlines revolve around one main ability or purpose. You have several different abilities just by looking at the type alone, which leads one to further believe you’re trying to create a ‘god clan’ which, I can guarantee you right now, will be a definite no. Based off of everything I’ve read—clan history, bloodline description, jutsus, and character creation, you’re bloodline is mostly involved with Ninjutsu. Could largely be considered a Supplementary one, and might be an Elemental based one what with my interpretation of ‘Advanced Earth Jutsus’ and ‘Combining Fire and Earth Jutsus’.



You have at minimum, four levels. Your bloodline ranks in at ‘C’; therefore Level 1 is at a C rank level of mastery, Level 2 is B rank, and so forth, but what about Level 5? You have it down as “Level 4+” which implies that there are further levels. Your character may not know what other levels there are, but out of character, you do, which means we need to know as well. Either there are four levels max, or you explain the rest of these levels.

In each level, you have given us minimal information about what you’re able to do, but don’t include a lot of details about what exactly you’re capable of doing.

Underlined sections need clarification. Green colors should be converted in Clan Traits as Special Characteristics. Blue colors need explanations as to how this is possible. Red colors need to be removed or explained and given proper weaknesses/clarifications. Italics in orange are my own comments.

Bloodline Description wrote:

Level 1: The user can use some more advanced earth jutsus and is able to manipulate rock to some extent. Their extra healing abilities are minimal, taking a longer time to heal but still less time than a normal shinobi, depending on the extent of the damage. The Kekkei Genkai is still mostly in the defense phase, but can be used offensively every once in a while. It is still unstable as it settles, and can sometimes cause injuries to the user. This state lasts 3-9 weeks only, with or without training. Very few fatalities happen, as only the most unstable cause this. Stamina is +2, agility is +2, and speed is +3.

When you say ‘advanced earth jutsus’ are you referring to simply earth attacks with more raw power, or more advanced forms of earth such as sand, dirt, mud, metal, crystal, etc.?

Your healing factor could be one of three things: a genetic trait akin to the Special Characteristics High Metabolism, Vigorous, or both; a rare ability unique to your clan; or an even stronger level of healing than the Special Characteristics aforementioned.

You also mention that at this level the bloodline is more heavily defensive based than offensive, but you don’t explain how, why, or in what specific ways.

The bloodline is currently unstable at this point, but you don’t really explain how it affects the user other than potential injuries, and even then you don’t explain how these potential injuries arise or present themselves. Later on you state that fatalities can happen, but don’t explain what kind of situations can result in fatality or what ‘most unstable’ means. Remember, everyone has rather different interpretations of what everything and anything means. Simply leaving it up to the reader leaves various loopholes that you can exploit, not that you would, but still the possibility exists. That, and you’re opening this clan up to others to join which means you really need to clarify your bloodline.

The 3-9 weeks needs to clarified as In Character time or Out of Character time. With our ‘time-weather system’, we can measure In Game time, yes, but not everyone is exactly ‘active’ during this time, which kind of defeats the 3-9 week state of instability you mention and more or less nullifies it.

And last but not least, you need to inform us how one activates their bloodline. Is it active sine birth? Are there certain requirements needed to activate their bloodline to begin with? Once activated does the bloodline remain activated, or can it be turned on and off?

Level 2: The user now has decent control over the kekkei genkai, and can begin to combine fire with the earth jutsus and takes less time to heal than a normal shinobi, usually by a day, depending on the extent of the damage done to the user. The offensive and defensive uses have mostly evened out, and have decent strength. Most people are somewhere between 2 and 3 and stay there after passing through the first stage, providing they don't accidentally kill or permanently cripple themselves during the first stage. Stamina is +4, agility is +3, and speed is +5

When you say ‘combine fire with earth’ do you mean actually form a ‘new element’ like metal or lava? This is what I’m getting from it, which means your bloodline should be focused almost entirely upon this ability and just have a few minor other abilities.

Again, you mention offensive and defensive capabilities, but you fail to describe more about it. In what ways has the bloodline started to balance itself out?

Once more, you mention injuries and accidents, but fail to explain why this should occur. Why would they potentially kill or cripple themselves when at Level 1? Does the instability cause the user to get hurt that badly that it’s common enough and noteworthy enough to be mentioned in the description? This requires some explaining in both levels.

Lastly, how exactly does one move from Level 1 to Level 2? After the weeks of instability do they automatically move onto Level 2? Do they require training and experience to move on to Level 2? Or is it something else altogether?

Level 3: Not many people make it to or past this stage, only the most skilled and strongest going into the Fourth stage or beyond. At this point, both defensive and offensive abilities are quite strong and almost impenetrable. Their length of time for healing decreases by 2-5 days, depending on the extent of the damage, and with the help of another of the bloodline can be revived after death after a certain period of time. They can also now use their kekkei genkai for greater and less common jutsus, described below. Stamina is +5, agility is +4, and speed is +6[

Once more, please explain how developed your defensive/offensive abilities are. Define ‘almost impenetrable’. To me, that seems as if you can defend against A Rank techniques pretty well with some slight difficulties, and you can fend off some S Rank techniques, but not all.

The revival part will need a lot of explaining and drawbacks if you still wish to keep it.

And once more, how does one transition from Level 3 to Level 4? What defines ‘most skilled and strongest’?

Level 4+: Only two known people have gotten this far or beyond, and under special circumstances: The original founder of the clan, Kenzo Hotaru Fech, and Yuzuki (Lota) Hotaru Fech. The user is now essentially invulnerable in terms of being wounded or poisoned, as their body is able to heal itself from the inside out without wasting any chakra. They are able to use all of the rare jutsus and common jutsus that are acquainted with their bloodline without harm to themselves. Their defensive abilities and jutsus are impenetrable, only being penetrated by another of the bloodline at the same stage or one below it. The offensive abilities are blindingly fast, increasing stamina by +6, agility by +5, and speed by +7.

Define ‘special circumstances’. What conditions have to be met, exactly?

You will have to remove the invulnerability to being wounded and affected by poisons without the need or use of chakra completely. If you wish to keep it, please explain it in detail and provide some major drawbacks.

The same can be said with your impenetrable defenses. Even Gaara had weaknesses and couldn’t keep his armor completely impenetrable—Lee and Sasuke managed to break through despite it being the ‘ultimate armor’ unlike any kind, so you will definitely have to remove this or place limits/drawbacks to it. Your simple justification of other clan members of the same bloodline at the same level or at least one level lower is not a satisfying drawback because a) there’s no guarantee there will be another Fech on the site that does not belong to you, b) anyone else fighting against you would be unable to hurt you at all because of your ‘god defense’.

And again, explain how your offensive abilities have increased.

Moving on, one last note about your bloodline:

Character Creation | Lota Fech wrote:

Elemental Affinity:
Dominant: Light(possibly Fire) and Earth(Because of a Kekkei Genkai)

Light Element? Possibly Fire? Please explain this. The elements are Wind, Fire, Water, Earth, and Lightning. Any element outside of this is considered an advanced element, i.e. an element unique to a certain clan.

Genin are only able to have 1 element. Even advanced element users who are Genin can only have one element [i.e. a Hyouton (Ice) user has a dominant element of Hyouton at Genin and may later unlock Suiton or Fuuton at Chuunin, and then by Jounin level they may have both Suiton and Fuuton]. So, starting off with two elements, is it something else your bloodline grants you? If so, why didn’t you mention it? And where did Light come into play at any point? What’s more is, you have two dominant elements, at Genin level nonetheless.

Normally, Genin don’t even know how to utilize an element yet. This is stated by Kakashi in the opening chapters of Naruto when Team 7 faced off against him and he was clearly surprised that Sasuke, even though coming from the famous Uchiha who widely utilized fire based techniques, knew an elemental based attack, saying that Genin shouldn’t have enough chakra for such attacks yet (if you want, I can get a screenshot of the page). During the Chuunin Exams few of the other Genin showed abilities with elemental manipulation asides from Sasuke with Fire and then Lightning at the very end, Gaara with Sand because of the Ichibi, and Temari with Wind through the use of her fan, and these exams had ninja from all over, most of whom were likely to have been Genin for many months, years even. Some of the adult Genin there didn’t have elemental jutsu (and I don’t just mean the hidden prompters or rebelling Orochimaru/Kabuto, but the actual adult Genin which I can again, find proof of). So… how could you possibly have two dominant elements at Genin level? Is it bloodline related? If so, why didn’t you mention this at all?


Dang it, I forgot about Clan Traits. Anyway, the real last tidbit about your bloodline:

Clain Traits wrote:

Clan Traits: When the Kekkei Genkai is activated, each person has their own uniquely colored set of eyes, both a different color from each other and the user's original eye color.

Only members of the clan, some without the Kekkei Genkai, can use these specific jutsus.

Clain Traits aren't really for your clan's unique appearances or anything, they're about special ninja skills you have.

Clan Template wrote:

Special Characteristics that are associated with your clan. (I.e Inuzuka has a clan trait of Tracking/Senses) Please refer to the Special Characteristics Guide when filling this part out. This is optional and does not have to be filled out. Note that these traits need to correlate with the Clan History & Bloodline Description.

So you may want to convert your clan's increased healing rate here as the premade SC 'High Metabolism' or 'Vigorous', or both even. OR, you could have a more advanced form of it, so you'd just have to use the SC Template to create your own Special Characteristic. These characteristics are inherited, so your character can automatically start off with these in addition to the normal amount of SCs you can have when making a character.

We'll move onto Jutsus later?



>.<' Sorry if I seem mean or something, I just have a lot of questions about the clan/bloodline. And I'm kind of grounded at the moment... so I'll check your clan when I can, but the other mods are free to take over since my grounding is sort of indefinite at the moment >.>'' So yeah, if it's been a few days then just ask another staff member to check it out for you and maybe they'll feel obligated to check clans/bloodlines while I'm sort of absent from the site most of the time.


And dang it life >.<' I was just about to post when I noticed you posted like.... two hours earlier than me t.t!

ok, ill refix this, cause i just lost the work i did so it may take me a bit longer.

Do you still want this clan, your character, etc?

Archived due to user inactivity.