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Welcome to Shinobi Reality


First of all, we'd like to thank you for registering on our site and joining us here at Shinobi Reality. Since you've joined us, we would like to say that we very much appreciate you doing so and we welcome you here to RP with us. This site is a Text-Based Role Playing Game, or better known as RPG. Unlike normal RPG's, this does not include cool graphics and your favorite Final Fantasy character, what you will find here is a elaborate and massive story. This story includes the life of the character you wish to create and the other characters in this RPG.
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 Kinkou Clan

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Sheen
Sheen


Posts : 12
Join date : 2011-01-30
Age : 32
Location : With the living, surprisingly.

Kinkou Clan  Empty
PostSubject: Kinkou Clan    Kinkou Clan  EmptySun Jan 30, 2011 5:59 pm

Name: Kinkou Clan
Founder: Unknown
Location: On an island off the coast of the Bear Country, between Kumo and Kiri.

History:
Spoiler:
Special Info:
The Kinkoi Clan are the born protectors of the Twilight Eye. Because of this they are all trained from the first time they can make a fist, to become fierce warriors. As they grow up they are taught the clans unique taijutsu and techniques. However they do not usually learn standard ninjutsu like typical shinobi within the shinobi villages. Kinkou clan members are taught only of what involves there clan and on some rare occasions, send special members to the leaf village for training as a result of the treaty between the two groups. Despite this the standard member will usually only know some of their abilities of their kekkei genkai and masteries within weaponry and taijutsu, being that they start their training far earlier then ninja do within the shinobi villages.

The stronger certain members manage to get the more they will be able to learn from higher ups within the clan. As certain members get stronger they will be placed in higher classes as they reach the needed knowledge.

Student Class: Trainee (D-rank)
Standard Class: Foot Solider (C-rank)
Upper Class: Division Leader (B-rank)
Elite Class: Shadow Agents (A-rank)
Title Classes: (S-rank or higher)
Titles - Fist of Shadows, Heart of the Tempest, The Falling Star, The Master of Arms.
Heir - Twilight Keeper (Unranked)
Kinkou Elder: Clan Official (Unranked)

Kinkou Clan Taijutsu:
Spoiler:



Requirements: Born into.
Current Members: Sheen and various unnamed members.

Name of the Kekkei Genkai: Shadougunjin
Type of Kekkei Genkai: Shadow Manipulation and Shadow Phasing.
Rank: B

Description:
Spoiler:

Name of the Kekkei Genkai: Twilight Eye
Type of Kekkei Genkai: Doujutsu
Rank: S

Description:
Spoiler:

Jutsu:

Spoiler:
Clan Traits:
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Sheen
Sheen


Posts : 12
Join date : 2011-01-30
Age : 32
Location : With the living, surprisingly.

Kinkou Clan  Empty
PostSubject: Re: Kinkou Clan    Kinkou Clan  EmptySun Feb 27, 2011 12:19 pm

All ready to be looked at.
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Iavas
Iavas
Kumo Chunin

Posts : 187
Join date : 2011-02-01

Kinkou Clan  Empty
PostSubject: Re: Kinkou Clan    Kinkou Clan  EmptyWed Mar 02, 2011 4:59 pm

I'll be skipping Jutsus till we sort out your bloodline. (Sorry it took me so long. I kind of didn't realize this was ready to be looked over.)


Okay first off... you can't have two bloodlines. You'll have to choose one over the other or incorporate the two together in a logical way.


Secondly, your first bloodline is extremely similar to the Nara Clan's Kage Mane Jutsu, so you'll have to remove that altogether or make it more unique/different enough to plausible as a separate bloodline on it's own.


And now we reach your second bloodline. For the most part, the first two levels of it seem alright, once you explain things some more, it's mostly the third level of it that I have questions/doubts about. I do have one question I need answered pretty quickly though: does your character already have access to this bloodline? Never mind, looking through your application I can see that you do, so... how does a D Rank Genin have access to an S Rank bloodline...?


Regarding the first level, you'll need to limit the Genjutsus you can see through. And a note about Genjutsu, it affects your five senses, not how you actually think. So, I can see how you can pierce through sight Genjutsu, but taste/touch/hearing/smell based Genjutsus I'm having a harder time picturing you able to get out of it. And you'll need to provide some description of how 'less effective' works for you. Less effective could simply mean you know it's there but it just doesn't affect you, or that you experience half the trauma/pain Genjutsu invokes, etc.

And about your weakness to the first stage of the bloodline, explain the other mental stresses you would suffer from. I know the whole bloodline itself is mostly a mental challenge to the user, but what about the less minor details of the bloodline? Like, what kind of mental fatigues would your character suffer from on a daily basis while still in Stage One?


Stage two, honestly, is still a tad bit confusing to me overall. >.>'' But, regarding the ability you gain out of it-- gaining enhanced chakra control, no. That's something you gain through experience and usage of chakra itself since it's a skill, not exactly an ability or technique that can be easily learned. Granted, if you already had chakra control as a SC, you could improve upon it, but to not have it and then just suddenly get it, even if it's due to a bloodline? Bloodlines are genetic abilities unique to the members who hold it, not skills that normal ninjas can learn.


Stage three itself is pretty much a 'no' right now since you're playing god in a sense, creating 2 new entities out of... well... basically chakra and emotions/personality which, admittedly does sound kind of strange. You can argue that this is what Kage Bunshin does, but Kage Bunshin doesn't actually create different entities free to do as they will. So... you're going to need to do a lot of explaining or completely rework this. And regarding the later part of it, typically gaining memories of people who have died for the past several decades is a bit of a stretch and holds room for a lot of abuse. So, limits/explanations/removal will be needed.
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lifeanddeath
lifeanddeath
S-Rank Criminal

Posts : 475
Join date : 2011-01-28

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PostSubject: Re: Kinkou Clan    Kinkou Clan  EmptyWed May 11, 2011 9:26 pm

Archived due to user inactivity.
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Kinkou Clan

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